It took me a long time to realise I was scared of honest conversations. I was a ‘SafeZone’ complainer. I realised I would only complain to people who would agree with me, empathise with me and generally make me feel like I was right.

However one day, it dawned on me that the situation which was hacking me off would never get resolved, as I was complaining to the wrong person!

I would complain to the person who could not do anything to resolve the situation.

I would complain to colleagues about work instead of speaking to my manager or higher.

I would complain to friends about my relationship instead of speaking to my partner.

I would complain to my parents about my child’s behaviour instead of speaking to my child.

I realised I was frightened about having ‘honest conversations’. I was scared of the possible consequences of:

  • Anger
  • Rejection
  • Criticism
  • Disapproval
  • Sulking

You name it I was scared of it. I l realised I had to confront all the ‘stuff’ I was scared of. I call all this ‘stuff’ my ‘crumple buttons’. If someone triggered these in me, then I emotionally crumpled and wanted to hide under my duvet. I had to become comfortable with all the above and more. I had to learn to handle it!

If like me you put off honest conversations and are a ‘safezone’ complainer then take a moment and ask yourself:

Who do I need to have an honest conversation with?

Remember the courageous one is the one who knows they can handle the outcome whatever that may be. It is only by learning to handle our triggers that we reduce the anxiety, fear and worry that we feel on a daily basis

Go on, you can do it!

Follow me on twitter @couragequeen

If you would like me to visit your workplace to deliver a seminar on how to have a honest conversation please contact me