When I was going through my challenging divorce and feeling very sad and sorry for myself a friend came around for dinner. Whilst sat eating she noticed I had silent tears streaming down my face. She asked;
“ Are you ok Rach”? I replied smiling brightly, “Yes I’m fine, I just have a cold”.
She enquired further, “Do you always cry when you have a cold?”
With that the tears poured forth like water gushing from a hosepipe.
I realised I had crying issues
Like many people I was brought up to believe that it’s babyish to cry. Living in a culture where crying is seen as weak and being the younger sister I would frequently get called ‘cry-baby’. I learnt to believe at a very young age that crying is not a good move as people can call you names which can lead to shame. Men especially have been taught that it is weak and not manly to cry. This is one of the greatest human mistakes we can make.
So let’s speak some truths
- Crying is a natural human reaction
- Crying is a release of energy from our body
- Crying is our body telling us we are sad
- Crying is an appropriate response to a traumatic or sad event
- Crying signals we are starting to heal over a loss
- Crying is acceptable no matter what age, gender or nationality you are
- Crying is just as important as laughing
- Crying shows we are human
- Crying is for the brave, not weak
- Crying has been proven to have physical and psychological benefits
- Crying has to be released or it can lead to mental health problems such as anxiety.
When someone starts crying at my Courage Seminars, I know they have reached the point of ‘acceptance’ and can now start to move on. Allowing ourselves to cry allows ourselves to grieve. Grieving is a normal natural human reaction.
So next time you start to feel the tears coming, know a part of you is healing and this grief is allowing the more empowered, confident ‘you’ to emerge like a butterfly breaking free from its cocoon.
Next time you feel sad, please don’t block your emotions with alcohol, drugs, cigarettes, food, over-thinking, retail therapy or seeking sex – allow yourself to have the courage to cry. Give yourself permission to have a ‘cryathon’ and I promise you will start to let go of the pain inside of you.
What do I get angry about? Anger can mask sadness
If you need to explore your emotions further, then please treat yourself to a ‘courage conversation’ with me.
Follow me on twitter @couragequeen – if you don’t have twitter then it’s easy to set up an account.
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