Of course the divorce process will frustrate you,

but staying in an unhappy marriage will frustrate you more

                                                                     Rachael Alexander

 

Divorce is cited as the second most stressful life event, closely followed by marital separation on the Holmes & Rahe Stress scale. Some are blessed to go through the process amicably, however for the majority this is sadly not the case.

Here are some reasons why divorce can make you cry, scream, shout and why on some days you may feel like you want to give up.

  1. The actual legal process itself can be costly, drawn out and seems never ending.
  2. You realise all the dreams you had for your future together are now non-existent.
  3. You realise you will never be a ‘family’ in the conventional sense again.
  4. You wonder if the feelings of being so in love when you got married were false.
  5. You wonder if the life you have lived with each other was based on lies and untruths.
  6. You wonder if you should never have got married all those years ago.
  7. You are angry that your children are now from a ‘broken’* home and affected by the process.
  8. Realising that he or she wasn’t willing to try ‘anything’ to make the marriage ‘work’.
  9. Your financial ‘security’ and stability being affected.
  10. Dealing with repeated questions from your children and parents asking ‘why you had to split up?’
  11. Anger that you only wanted to get married once and stay married.
  12. The perceived feelings of ‘failure’ that your marriage has ‘ended’ – somehow you feel you are not good enough.
  13. Realising how much you actually dislike/hate one another which seems to have come from nowhere.
  14. How family and friends may take your partner’s side and you receive little or no support.

The list is endless. You can see why many choose to stay in a state of denial about their unhappy marriage or relationship. The ‘staying’ for many people is based on fear.  I expand on how to overcome this fear in my book: I Can Handle…Divorce which you can buy here – http://www.couragequeen.com. This pocket-guide can be read in an hour and will be a source of inspiration and validation.

However right here right now, you can choose to let the ‘divorce’ process define you or destroy you.  If you choose to let it define you then I promise, you will come out empowered. After my divorce I am stronger, more determined, have grown up mentally, emotionally and am much happier being out of a ‘walking on eggshell’ marriage than being independent and free.

If you need help or support going through your marriage, especially if it has become abusive, please contact me rach@couragequeen.com and together we can help you through the process

Broken home * Academic studies now prove that children can be happier when living in a home free of tension, stress, bitterness even if one parent is raising the child.