How to stop your boss from trumping my Courage Queen power.

Whenever a Courage Queen tells me they feel like they are ‘walking on eggshells’ around someone, then I suspect a case of emotional manipulation.

This is when another person exerts their power to change your mental and emotionally state, in this example negatively.  Unfortunately, some people in positions of power can abuse their position. They rely on fear to make a person behave in the way they want them to. It is a form of power and control, which can be rooted in the person feeling insecure about themselves and their abilities.  If this is not nipped in the bud then it may progress and get worse.

It is important to build your own sense of self-respect and believe that no one ha a right to make personal attacks on you and your abilities.  Remember, a good leader empowers their staff, not makes them fearful.

Here are some steps to take Courage Queen:

  • Keep a diary of what happens and how you feel. It is important to have a record of specific examples so you can express how you felt at the time.
  • Think about how you would like the relationship to be. Is there anyway in which you can change the dynamics? Often letting someone know how you feel helps the other person to reflect on his or her behaviour.
  • Think about having an honest conversation with the positive intent of resolving the challenges that will help the situation improve. Even if you don’t get the solution you seek, you will know you had the courage to resolve it.
  • If you feel you cannot approach the person, as you are afraid, then this is where you need to believe that you have a right to be treat with respect by anyone regardless of his or her position. Read ‘Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway® by Dr Susan Jeffers to help overcome your fears. You also may need to refer the matter to a member of your Human Resources team.
  • This situation is about you finding the courage to take responsibility to resolve it, otherwise it will probably continue. No one has a right to make you feel scared. Repeat ‘I have a right to work in a safe and respectful environment’.
  • Take little steps to become more assertive. Remember you have a right to express how you feel. Google ‘Assertiveness’ and read ‘The Personal Bill of Rights’ which you will find on the Internet. These are excellent for helping you see you have a right to express how you feel.

Learning to manage relationships in the workplace is a skill in itself.  However the more you believe you have a right to be free of fear in the workplace, the more you will resolve this situation.